Remember When
by 1000years1
Summary: "It's like when you're staying underwater, trying to count how many seconds you can go without breathing. These letters are a little distraction to keep me from going up. You're the air that I desprately need but can't have. And my life is the dreaded water seperating us." Rated T. AU. Character death. Fabina.
1. Letter One

**Hey. It's me, Teddy. Here's a story I whipped up. It's a songic to Avril Lavigne's 'Remember When', which is a beautiful song by the way. This story is told all in letters, to Fabian from Nina. I reccomend you grab some tissues, because it's gonna be sad. Also, the chapter's are going to be really really short. This is because they are, as I said, told in letters, so therefore they will be a little shorter. Dedicated to my Ceiling Buddy, TateyTat. I'll miss you, girl /3.**

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_Letter One: Remember when I cried, to you a thousand times?_

Dear Fabian,

I know you'll never get this letter. I know I am writing into pure emptiness. But I can't hold it in any longer. The sobs that rack my body almost every hour of everyday for the past 3 months have become to much to hold in. It's like when you're staying underwater, trying to count how many seconds you can go without breathing. These letters are a little distraction to keep me from going up. You're the air that I desprately need but can't have. And my life is the dreaded water seperating us. While reading this, you may wonder why I'm writing these letters. I mean, we weren't married or anything. But we were in love.

Remember all those times I cried to you? Normally they were the most rediculous reasons. Sometimes they'd be about my parents or my Gran. Both of which ere long dead. But that didn't stop the tears. And instead of laughing at my silly reasons, you embraced me in your arms and told me everything was going to be alright. And, you said it so comfortingly, I believed you. But, whenever I sit by your grave, I cry harder than I've ever cried in my life. Except your not there to comfort me. So, I rest my head against your gravestone and let the tears fall freely. But whenever I'm at your grave, I feel like I need to give you something. Not flowers, but something deeper.

These words...no words, actually, can describe how much I miss you. But they're the best I can give you. Hopefully, when you read these letters I plan on sending you, you'll come back. Even though I know its impossible. I mean, who can bring the dead back to life? No one.

I wish I could still cry on your shoulder. I wish I could still look into your eyes for hours. But I can't. So, with each of these words, maybe you'll remember how much I love you.

Love, Nina


	2. Letter Two

_**Hey guys! Here's a new letter! Please review and whatnot! Yeah. I love you all!**_

**Letter Two: I told you everything. You know my feelings**

Dear Fabian,

Okay, so through these letters, I'd like to remind you of all the times we had together. And what better place to start than the beginning?

Remember when we met? On a little sidewalk in London.. I was the scrawny little tourist, you were the broad local. Remember when I used to tell you how I felt when I met you? How I told you every single one of my secrets, actually. But, in case you don't remember, here's what I felt.

Joy.

Bliss.

Happiness.

If you were here, you'd correct me and say that those are all synonyms. But youre not.

Anyway, I ran into you on a sidewalk, and fell to the ground. You helped me up and introduced yourself. The gleam in your eyes was enough to make me fall instantly. But I didn't flirt. No, I just smiled sheepishly, and you invited me to coffee.

That's how we began. Remember when every Friday we'd go to that little coffee hut and order a drink and just sit there for hours, watching people walk by, smiling at all the happy couples? We'd sit there, so long that the staff would have to kick us out.

I still do that. Sometimes I even pretend you're there. But the sheer memory isn't enough. I need you back here with me. Is there some way you can haunt me? Just let me at least say goodbye before you left my life forever?

Just your memory is enough to cause me to sob. Sorry if this paper is wet. It's getting really late here. If you were here, you'd tell me to get some sleep, and brush my hair out of my face and kiss my forehead.

But, you're not here to do that. And you never will be again.

So, goodnight my love. Sweet dreams.

Although the dead can't sleep.

Love, Nina


	3. Letter Three

_Letter three- It never crossed my mind, that there would be a time for us to say goodbye... what a big surprise._

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Dearest Fabian-

Amber came over today. She told me that I need to be on pills, to help my PSTD. But really, I don't need pills. All I need is you. My god, I sound nuts. But I couldn't care less.

But maybe I do need a pill. It just never crossed my mind that we would say goodbye like this. What a surprise. An awful, bitter surprise that took your life. Unfortunately, it won't accept mine. How many times I wish to die. But I don't. Because if it were me who had died, I wouldn't want you to kill yourself. I'd want you to live a full, happy life without me, and have kids, and grand kids, and eventually great grand children. I guess that's what you want for me. But I can't move on like that. I can't just forget you ever happened. And I'll make sure I never do.

This is all wrong. This story is so messed up. This isn't where our story was supposed to end, Fabian. This was only the first chapter of your life. You belong sitting with your mates in a pub, watching a football game and having a good time. Not in a box in the ground. I don't know where you are, but I'd like to think that you are watching over me. Selfish, I know. But at least it keeps me from killing myself; thinking that you're still with me in some way, shape, or form. And maybe you are, watching me write this.

It's time to stop crying, Nina. It's time to be something you'll be proud of. Because you most certainly aren't proud of this broken shell of a once vibrant girl, sobbing while writing letters to nothing. They say true love will prevail. Maybe ours will. But it won't.

This letter's almost over. I need to go shopping for shoes with Amber. She made me promise to do so. In fact, she just knocked. Well, until next letter, my love.

Yours truly, forever and always,

Nina

P.S. I love you.


End file.
